Family, Motherhood

He is mine

November 5, 2015

I find myself in haste, rushing to school & back to get Nate, finish school and continue working, pay the bills & raise a family, get a home a car & business running. The cycle!

What’s the reward & what’s constant? What’s the constant reward (ultimate/unchanging)?

I want more kids. Eventually, God willing I will have them all, 4 or 5. Ok maybe just 3. Or 4 who knows? I will go through the whole package; the pregnancy; gruesome labor; sleepless nights; diapers; cleaning; school and graduation. Then they will grow up, get embarrassed of their mum & dad, bang doors a few times (if I can be spared!) and sleep on an empty stomach because they are mad (if they get the pass). They may leave home at 18 like I did, off to university & work.

What’s the reward?

The joy of being a mother, bringing forth life & seeing the fruits from toil & tears.

What’s the constant?

Love & family?

My thoughts above may take a different path. So help me God I know not the life changing events that will shake the ground beneath my feet. I may have to bury my own, far be it from it, but it’s happening to other people. That’s part of life, instant surprises and sudden losses. Have you heard of estranged children & broken homes? Children who break the hearts & hands of those who did nothing but love & care for them? Have you heard of those that loved, yet everything they put together slipped through the fingers of rebellion, infidelity, bitterness and unforgiveness? How about the amazing kids who bring nothing but joy then leave to start a haven of their own. 365 days a year you see them on 2 separate Sunday afternoons, if you lucky over the December holidays. What keeps you going the rest of the time, after the shamba is dug & the harvest stored? Bottom line, we are not in control of what is gifted to us. We have today, tomorrow is in the hands of the maker. We pray, ultimately the perfect will of God takes place and we find ourselves either bitter or better. A relationship with God grows over time. Finding His treasure of truth, knowledge, wisdom & understanding when aged & gray is quite unfortunate. It’s like having lots of property with no heir. Your children are all grown up & it’s clear the fruit didn’t fall far from the tree.

What’s constant?

I find mine in the knowledge and fellowship of Jesus Christ. I take one step towards Him He makes two. He owns me yet He still seeks permission through my free will, to make Himself known to me, to choose Him every day. Does He cushion the pain and confusion around me? Yes He does so through His grace, occasionally He allows me to grow through the loss, pain, loneliness, & rejection. He reminds me that He overcame & He’s sited at the right hand of the father. Am leaning on the assurance that whether it rains or shine, whether my dreams come true or not He’s far much greater than them all. Whatever season am in He’s nigh, He sticks closer than a brother, loves deeper than a mother’s love for her children, He won’t leave me or forsake me. He’s held me in the palm of His hands. He’s brought music to my soul. I sing of His praises not because of what’s at hand but because He dwells in me. The spirit of God has made home in my heart & ushered in the glory of God.

What’s the ultimate reward?

Streets of gold, crown of righteousness, eternal life & more.

What’s constant?

Blessed assurance Jesus is mine.

Highlights of the day.

Rumbling bellies at lunch hour bible study. Feeding the spirit, starving the flesh. Studying the book of Acts 8, 9 11.


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