Movies are great because of all that happens behind the scenes; the editing, re-shoots, make up and so on. Real life stories are even better because we can relate to the challenges and triumphs. I open my student portal frequently to check if my results have been posted, am always looking forward to an A because I know I worked behind the scenes – I studied. I grouch on the Bs & promise not to do the last minute study again. Studying, especially for an exam, is not always fun. Faith isn’t either. Trusting God in the middle of the storm is plain hard. Fasting makes me cranky at times. Keshas-nights of prayers, are long & cold. Sometimes I think of that clean, fresh & warm duvet, the pillow I had just replaced and I check my watch from time to time. Commitment is crazy and on this post I will refrain as much as possible from talking about the great results of pushing through hard times.
At times I struggle to trust in God then as I hold on to his word, my flesh follows suit. Its no longer about how I feel. What’s the point of reading scripture and attending church if they won’t have any impact on me in difficult times? How does it help me to know God is good yet I can’t hold on to his goodness in times of need? Being broken and hopeless should not warrant me to give up. Just because am coming down from Egypt with Pharaoh’s chariots behind me and the red sea ahead doesn’t mean I have to cut my wrist and choose an easier pain. Sometimes dragging ourselves is part of the journey, as long we are moving ahead. Usually, after a powerful sermon, I wonder how in the world I could have missed that. One disturbing truth I learned a while back is that God works with my pace and I can only learn from Him as much as I want to. I attended a one month series on purity and twice I left crying. How could I not have known these things earlier? Well, prior to that I hadn’t been to any event centered on that topic, how else could I have learned? Church is great but not enough. 2 hours in a week won’t give anyone a fraction of strength we need to overcome the flesh & to walk close enough with the holy spirit to be convicted of sin. Going for trainings, prayer meetings, bible study is all part of the behind the scenes work – it’s not always fun but it’s worth it. It’s worth knowing your purpose (& we can only know this in Christ) in life & avoid going round life taking chances.
Another disturbing truth I came across – if you are not up for the job, someone else is. God knew you before you were born & lets say, he put the gift of music in you for His glory. One case scenario – because you have not developed it through practice you feel inadequate and as a result your salt losses its saltiness. How can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men (Mathew 5:13). The enemy picks up the remnants of a good soul and uses it for his glory, then has you half naked singing & dancing in front of a crowd to be trampled by men (& he has plenty of ways to do that). I have seen a man who had anything but a musical voice start to lead worship. He took it upon himself to lead & clearly there’s a passion to worship God even from his choice of music. In the first weeks we would give each other glances through muffled laughter. Then he actually started to sing better than anyone in the room and that’s exactly how God works. He gives you a gift and you sleep on it, He gladly puts it on another willing soul.
Am still chasing this awesome God & today in my weariness I told him to not let me be the first who will be last (mark 10:31). May I fight the good fight, finish the race and keep the faith; that I may receive the crown of righteousness which the Lord will award on that day (2nd timothy 4:7).